i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
