he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
