you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
