sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
