just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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