I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
