accomplished twins. life is a go
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Please don't give away my fajitas
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
