As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize