I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize