so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
