Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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