TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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