All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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