i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
