U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
