Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
