We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
