It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize