Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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