You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
