Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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