Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
All the doctor said was why
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
