3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
