somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If I die, sorry about rent.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize