there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
