as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Come on in and take your pants off
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