someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
