Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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