I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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