Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
