sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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