Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
