dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
