The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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