Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize