i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
