i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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