if only i could text you this smell
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
