she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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