He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
