Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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