Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
