Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
