WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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