I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
