Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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