i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
