If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
