I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
