I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize