i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
