He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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