do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
