I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
