"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
