And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
