dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
