Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
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