5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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