I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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