Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
