is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
