If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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