If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
