so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
