I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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