My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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