how hairy? two words: wookie tits
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
