i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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