Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
