She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
