there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
