Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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