Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
