I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
