how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
