I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
