It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
