Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
