John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
