Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
