i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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