take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
