Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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