Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
