she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
