Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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