Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
