We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
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