Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize