Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
nut hugger
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
