Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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