okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
