i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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