Yo dont text me then not text me
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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