I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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