and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
