This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
