i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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