Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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